It is difficult to know beforehand what it is that you are looking for. There are ways of trying to express this: seeking to find oneself inside the process of the painting rather than outside, as a spectator of it. Or seeking to find a way of getting beyond picturing a subject and instead finding it as painting. I seem to be wedded to the idea of things beginning in observation, the process in the studio being about transfiguring observation into paint.
Then there are the other artists that you converse with in painting, some of them helpfully expanding your thoughts, some misleading. At the moment Paul Nash, Markus Lupertz, Baselitz, Zhang Enli, Kirkeby…